#HealZone Journal Prompt: Day Two.

Day Two Question: Be Honest. How do you feel at this moment?

Response:
Honestly, I feel like Sugar Honey Iced Tea.
My mood (anxiety & depression) has been high and low. The roller coaster ride has left me feeling ill and tired. The tired I feel is a very “fed up” feeling. I am still confused on what is happening within me and in my life.

Off and on for about 5 years, I’ve been dealing with this antsy feeling that is so deep within my being, I swear I can feel it dancing on my stomach organ and tapping behind my sternum. I ache for relief from the mental confusion and grief I have in my spirit.

That whole insensitive BS that Logan Paul pulled has me triggered. I haven’t seen the video, but I have heard all the details and I am deeply disturbed.

Related Post: #HealZone Journal Prompt: Day One. (w/Video).

I miss my mom. I’m still dealing with the loss of her and what we went through before losing her.
I’m still dealing with resentment and regret of decisions I’ve made because things are still so strange. So, strange that I feel like I’ve done things to ruin my life and that this is no coming back from it.
Things are so strange that I’m not sure that I’m even grounded to anything. And anytime I think I’m grounded, something snatches the rug from up under me and the energy sends me spinning into space.

I’m so restless. I’m so eager. But I don’t know where to turn. There’s nothing for me to hold onto. I’m spinning in a foreign space.

No matter what I do, I feel guilty as a daughter, even though both my parents are gone.
I feel guilty as a mother.
I feel guilty as a wife.
I feel guilty.

Guilty = Not good enough.

I’ve been fighting thoughts that take me to places I don’t want to go. Places I don’t mean to go, but I am there until I shake myself out of it.

I need no pity here. I need no criticism. I need no pats on the back.

I need prayer. Honestly, that’s one of the best things people could do for me.
I could probably use some advice.
I know that I need counseling and coaching.
I need money ( I’m working for it, but mama needs more. Just sayin).
I need to get away.
I need to cry.
I need more sleep.
I need to talk about it more.

How to do you feel?

Ebony

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