Hey! Happy New Year!
This is the time we will start seeing the Twitter and Facebook posts with folks saying, “New Year, New Me!” [insert eye roll here] Then, there is the increase in gym membership sales across the country as people attempt to change and refresh themselves as we go into the new year.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to change yourself. However, that all starts in the mind with the renewing of your mind.
Are you sabotaging yourself?
I’ve written previously about sabotage from outside sources, but most of the sabotage we face in life comes from ourselves.
We want success so bad and we want to succeed at everything we do. We have hopes and dreams and we write them all down and just leave them there. Or we get started and quit within weeks.
We can be our biggest obstacle to overcome. I’m not going to smack you with the “you need to stop making excuses” line because that doesn’t break down what needs to be done or what we need to stop doing. It doesn’t allow one to do a self-assessment and it only makes room to be down on yourself.
So, you ask “How would I sabotage myself if I want to be successful so bad?”
Well, it’s all about what we don’t recognize that we do. It’s the habits that are a societal norm that slows us down or bring us to a complete halt.
Related Post: Practice Patience While Goal-Setting.
Here are the 4 ways you are sabotaging yourself every day.
1. Distractions and Time Wasters.
The right thing (or not so bad thing) at the wrong time is the wrong thing. Social media, YouTube videos, mobile and console games, etc all are cool up until you’ve lost track of time and are late for work or have missed pilates at the gym. Or until it makes you forget what you were supposed to for that blog post, school project, or audition for the third time this week.
There’s nothing wrong with social media because they keep us informed and games keep us entertained. However, it can make us forget all that is necessary to remember, respond to, and complete.
Social media is a trigger for many to constantly compare ourselves to someone else. Personally, I find myself comparing my home, my body, my motherhood, my marriage, and my career to others whom I have never met, but have assumed their lives are better than mine.
Social media is also notorious for sharing horrific news (real or fake) and they can disturb your mood and your sleep. Also, lack of sleep can make it more difficult to wake up and be on time for work or school as well.
Solution: Pick certain times of the day or week to scroll through social media or play games and stick to them. The best times are during lunch or after work before dinner and on your days off when you’re not busy.
Try skipping scrolling and playing games before bed. Unless your projects are social media related, don’t scroll until you get done with homework.
Stop comparing your life to others. You can succeed like many others in just about everything you do. However, your success isn’t supposed to look like anyone else’s.
2. Overthinking/ Feeling Inadequate.
It’s an easy thing to do when you are the type that wants to do everything, but feel like you don’t have enough time and the nothing you have is good enough to start the process. The time isn’t right. The space you have isn’t right. You aren’t right or good enough or perfect. This usually stems from playing the comparison game. We compare ourselves and what we have to others.
Granted some thoughts make sense to have. For example, you want to start a YouTube channel. You look in the description box and begin to take note of what camera and editing software your favorite YouTubers use to create the videos you love. Then, you notice that they use a camera that costs over $800, lights that cost over $60, an editing software that costs over $200, and then there is the cost of what you want to show on your channel. (Hair products, makeup, clothes, shoes, etc)
You think, “Holy crap! I can’t afford any of that! Now, what will I do?” You being to think that you have to have thousands of dollars to start a YouTube channel. Since you don’t have it and don’t know when you will, you begin to feel down and hopeless.
Solution: First, know that the situation isn’t hopeless and thousands of dollars aren’t needed to start a YouTube channel or to start anything for that matter. Take note of the things that you are able to afford. If there isn’t much, then use what you have until you can afford it.
Stop comparing yourself to people who have been in the game for many years. You’re probably comparing yourself to them in their prime. If you go to someone and ask them to show you pictures or videos of how things were when they first started, it would probably look exactly the same as it does for you right now. Basic, boring, cheap, and everything we think it shouldn’t be. When you build something from the ground up, there will be dust. Accept that!
- Every smartphone has a camera and you can find boxes or books to prop it up. If you have a little cash to your name, say like $25. you can invest in a tripod for phones.
- You want to eat better and begin working out? Most insurance companies pay for visits to the nutritionist and doing workouts at home via YouTube is free. I’ll write more about how that has actually worked out for me.
- You want a more organized house? Pick one room in your house to work on for the week. I recommend starting with the room with the least traffic. Work in that room for about one hour a day. If you want to do longer, it’s up to you. Ask for help from a friend to help you organize your home. Two pairs of hands are better than one.
3. Trying to be 100% Independent.
Yep! I said it.
There is no such thing as being completely independent of anyone. Period!
We like to admit that we’re independent of the ones we don’t want help from. However, I understand why people try to be “independent” of needing the help of others. We get too proud to ask for help and don’t want to deal with being let down or mistreated while being in need. In fact, the latter feeds the previous.
You don’t want people to think that you are a bum and a moocher who doesn’t want to try, but your struggle is over 9000!
So, you either ask for free help or you pay for help. Neither of which makes you less or more independent because help is help. Help is you NOT doing it all by yourself. We need to get over being afraid of asking for help.
Solution: Admit you need help to people you trust and to those who have experience with your problems. They may be able to offer help and recommend solutions, products, or services to relieve you of some of your struggles.
I’m scared. You’re scared. We’re scared.
Fear is a natural emotion and it serves a purpose in dangerous situations. However, if we continue to operate in fear a number of problems arise that will sabotage just about anything. It will feed overthinking and feelings of inadequacy. Fear can cause you to fight, flight, or freeze. Living in fear will taint your relationships. It can make it hard to say “no” when we really mean NO. It’s an emotion that tricks you into thinking that your anxious thoughts are correct about your future.
Solution: Do a ‘Fear Breakdown’.
A fear breakdown is something that I do to get to the heart of why I am fearful. It breaks apart the cluster of fear into bits more understandable and to be more quickly dissolvable by the truth.
Fear: I’m too afraid to go into acting.
Why? Because I’m afraid I won’t be hired because of my color and size.
What will happen if I’m not hired? I will be extremely hurt.
Why? Because it’s been a big dream to be an actress since I was a young girl. If I don’t become an actress, I’ll be devastated.
Why? Because if I don’t become an actress, I’ll feel like I haven’t accomplished anything and I’ll be on my death bed wishing that I could have been an actress. I’ll be forced to spend my life wishing that I could do what I love to do and forced to watch people do what I love with every movie, show, and commercial I see. It will hurt.
- I fear to be on my death-bed and feeling like I would have missed out on a dream that’s been with me my whole life. I fear the pain and assume that it would be impossible to heal from. That’s not true. I’ve survived 100% of my worst moments. I’ll survive that too.
- It shows that I think that I am not attractive as I am and not attractive enough to be seen with other actors and actresses that are thinner and lighter in complexion. That’s not true, there are more dark-skinned and curvy women on tv and in film. I can be one of them too.
- It also shows that it’s the only thing I assumed would make me an accomplished person. I have to recognize that this isn’t a fact. I have many accomplishments already. All of which I was fearful that I would fail at or miss the opportunity of having. Yet, here I am.
You may be fearful, but don’t bank on it. We fear losing money, losing our homes, looking and sounding foolish, and public humiliation. Most times what we fear won’t happen and if it does, we will survive that too AND we will succeed either way.
Tell me in the comments.
Are any of these something that you do to yourself or have done?
What are your plans to overcome them?
Thanks for reading!